Ashi Khan

Ashi Khan is not a violent man. When I left Multan to seek fortune in this foreign land I knew that there would be many would try to undercut me at every turn. But no more! Allah and God be praised!!

I must proclaimed faithfully my innocence in this latest Pork scandel-mongering. I am no crooked-Annie! All the Delhi Deli products are 100% best quality. I believe what we eat in this world shall sustain us through the next life. Because of this philosophy I only serve food items of superior standards!

Now Mr. Roth, the kitaab is on your page!!

Charlie Whippet

'allo 'allo' allo! Oi'm Charlie Whippet, the local Postie! Oi'meant to gerr'on this thing sooner but oi ditn't 'ave no time sir. An' then wiv all this talk ah missin' tapes an' me not deliv'rin 'em oi said I'd better set things straight. Oi got them there tapes to Olivia an' I can say as sure as an'thing that they wer real. So that's that!

Now the nex' thing I wanna say is that there's bin a lota strange packages comin' through the Office the last few weeks. Real strange... Like this wan that 'ad a big 'D' stamped on it goin' to wan of the local pork shops (though I can't say which wan coz oi I endin' up like that Peeves fellow!)Oi sed it ter Olivia tho so s'pose she'll sort it all owt.

Right-oh me loveys, oi gotta go. Parcels need a-deliverin'.

Father Jack Stapleton

Good evening.

I see that the number of entries to this blog have dropped in the wake of the recent tragedies. It would seem that many of the townsfolk are afraid that taking part in this social experiment could see them ending up like the late Mr. Peeves. However, I must insist that we, as a community, continue with our updates. We cannot give in to fear and allow it to stop us leading normal lives. We must be brave if we are to have any hope of combating these murderous unsavouries.

Now; some of the more eagle-eyed readers may notice that I mentioned 'tragedies' in the opening of this blog.

This is not a mistake on my part.



It is with a heavy heart that I must tell you all that Mr. William (Bill) Squits has passed away after being found savagely beaten in Swanson's Park. He was found yesterday evening by Professor Brane who was in the park testing out his new device to turn leaves into sponges whn he made the discovery. Suffice to say he'll be having nightmares for a week. A police investigation is underway but as of yet they have no leads. Bill is survived by his wife Miriam and our thoughts are with her at this trying time.

Fr. Jack

Olivia Neutongaye

Dear proud townspeople of Nappy Cove,

My name is Olivia Neutongay, and I'm the wife of our well respected hero policeman, Partario Neutongaye. My apologies for not entering this glittering foray into the world of technology earlier, but my job doesn't present me with a lot of opportunities for leisure activity...

You see, I, like my husband, am a police officer.

An underpaid, overworked, female police officer. In fact I finally find the time to write this blog because the changeover between my cleaning of the police station kitchen and the beginning a day of paperwork didn't dovetail as perfectly as they normally would. However I won't let this blog become a forum to air my grievances at the nature of my profession and the hierarchy within it.

The matter of justice is at hand.

As we all are sad to have heard, the tragic death of Mr. Derek Peeves, the local journalist occurred recently. And while state autopsies and the grievances of his family are still ongoing, we must look at his death in the cold hard light of the police force. Its not hard to spot the suspicious nature of his death, and it goes without saying that his demise came about from the facts his journalistic endeavours uncovered.

These discoveries have been the subject of much blogging recently, as have been the question of the tapes he made with Fr. Stapleton before his death. Well I can now confirm that the tapes made by Peeves and Stapleton are in police custody. My custody in fact. Rumours persisted that the tapes had been lost after they had not reached my husband Partario. The truth of the matter is that our young and foolhardy postmaster, Charlie Whippet, mistakenly delivered them to me.

These rumours of missing and fake tapes must desist and I will not have the name of the good and pious Fr. Stapleton tarnished. And make no mistake, the files will be re-opened on the Pixie Vaccine Incident. Nothing will stand in the way of justice.

But why did I not come forward before now you ask? The answer is simply that which I stated above. Though my profession is policing, my gender holds me back at almost every step, and the imposed duties of my gender at the Nappy Cove Police Headquarters (N.C.P.H.) denied me the time to speak out. But now things will have to change. I've been the woman behind the policemen in Nappy Cove for years, and now credit will be given where credit is due.

You can expect more from me in blogs to come. Justice will be served.

Yours in policing,

Officer Olivia Partridge Neurongaye

Dr. Orange Squamish

I must apologize for this troubled soul. He has clearly gone beyond all rational sensibility...I am afraid that I may have to seek an intervention in the case of Simple Jack.... perhaps testicular shock n' stab therapy will do the trick... who knows. And that Pixie fiasco was a set up; I was a patsy I tell you all! A PATSY!

Now, Jack can squawk and squawk, but Squamish won't blink. I was voted most likely to die alone in college, so lets just say SQAMISH CAN PLAY. Hard.



Bring it on Jacky boy, I've got the F.D.A. behind me. Who are they, you may ask? The Federal Doctors Association. 'Nuff said.



You won't get away with tarnishing my name Jack; I'll see you in hell (from heaven).


D. O.S.

Fr. Jack Stapleton

I am not the sort of man to get into a slanging match. Neither am I going to confirm nor deny any of the accusations made by the 'doctor'. However, I will say this: it's not so long ago 'doctor' that the terrible eye of public scrutiny was resting squarely on you. Shall any of us forget the Pixie Vaccine Scandel of '06??


This most recent attempt to tarnish my reputation and discredit my story has the underlying feel of a man who has sold his soul.
How many gold pieces did it take Squamish??

How much to say these things and try to turn the whole town against me? A man has died. And you're preventing justice from prevailing. Thankfully the tapes I mentioned before do exist and shall hopefully help the police in apprehending the villains in this case, and shall absolve me from any doubt.

The same cannot be said for the 'good' doctor....




"And I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts, And I looked and behold: a pale horse. And his name, that sat on him, was Death. And Hell followed with him."

Dr. Orange Squamish

Hello all,


I feel that, considering what has been happening in Nappy Cove, that there is an open secret that we have all been keeping that can go on no longer. Please understand that the lie that we live everyday serves only to keep a troubled man happy. I have been following this blog with interest, and since no-one else has said anything, I think it is up to me.

I would not be taking this action were it not for the recent post of "Father" Jack Stapleton, but considering the lucid and shocking nature of the post, the time has come to clarify something serious. You see, Jack Stapleton not a "Father" at all.



"Simple Jack" as he was once lovingly called, is a man with the intelligence of an intel pentium II processor. His childish smile and unusual love of baking trays encouraged the entire town to keep Simple Jack close to our hearts. In his early thirtys, however, Simple Jack turned a violent man. Rambling that he name was Paul, asking everyone he knew about the sun and the rain, as well as displaying a competent knowledge of the German banking system. Then there was what we call in the business "the quickening". He used to punch any child he saw. ANY child; tv, photographs, real children. Most disturbingly, when he thought of a child he would punch his own head in a vicious blood frenzy. Then one day, he appeared wearing a vicar's collar, and claimed to be "Father" Jack Stapleton. He was calm, friendly, helpful, even more aware of his surroundings than usual. So, we.... we pretended. It hurt no-one to do so, and it made Simple Jack so happy to go around "priesting", as he used to call it..


I needed to tell you this because of Jack's recent blog entry. He did not know the late Mr. Peeves. This post shows a return to the delusions that haunted Jack for so much of his life. The complex story of tapes and secret meetings is pure fantasy-the police chief spoke to me about this, and he knows nothing about any tape. I am afraid the story of the deathly pork will have to wait a little longer to be told.....although I must say, the nature of Jack's blog is unlike any of his other ramblings; it is too clear and plausible.... maybe there is no tape, maybe there is; could it be that Derek Peeves trusted the one man that no-one would ever think of questioning?

Yours,

Dr. Squamish



P.S. Jack, if you are reading this, I'm sorry. Although you will never understand, I had to do what I did today. Please forgive me.

Plex Rominus

I am like, soooooooo sick of my stoooopid mother!! I mean, since they found that guy dead she's been like, totally off the reservation. It's like, " G'uh! Get over it! You didn't even know him!" but she's just like, crying all the time and won't talk or anything. Jeez being old must suck!

Ewwwww like, what the hell is she on about?!? She's probably still upset about the jamboree and what happened with that Mrs. Squits. They got in some row about flowers or something sad like that and Squits' husband had to break the too of them up. And then it was seriously weird cause he called round the other day and left a load of suitcases in te hall. Mom's probably borrowing them to go on one of stooopid business trips or something.

Oh, and if Stacy Dignam (the SLUT!!!!!!!!1!!!) is watching then stay away from Sean Murphy!! He's mine bitch!!!

Fr. Jack Stapleton

Now I'm not going to beat around the bush and expand on the details of Mr. Peeves tragic death. Suffice to say that I am truely shocked that someone living among us, in this quiet little town, could have the capacity for such evil. Someone who has integrated themselves seemlessly into the very fabric of our community. Someone we have all come to trust and look upon as a pillar of our locality. However, this is unfortunately a cold, hard fact which we must come to terms with. If this weeks events have taught us anything, it is that no matter how genial an appearance we may be presented with, there may be something sinister lurking underneath. Vigilence is crucial.

Derek Peeves knew this. And I believe that is why he had the good sense and fore-sight to come to me and tell me everything he knew about the recent D-grade pork scandel before his untimely demise.

I remember when he arrived at my doorstep, he was not the same man he had been when I first met him. He looked thin; pale; worn out and, from the way he spoke, he seemed resigned to the fact that this shocking piece of investigatory journalism, would most likely be his last. He knew the risks in taking on those high up in the pork trade, and he was willing to pay the price. A hero he was. And a hero he shall remain.

For you see, I made taped recordings of our conversation that night, and even as I type this latest entry, they are on their way to the police station in the hands of our local Post Master, Charlie Whippet, who will see them safely into the possession of Officer Neutongaye. At last this whole sordid D-grade pork scandel can come to an end and Derek Peeves, Champion of Nappy Cove can be avenged and his killer put away.

For too long we've all had the wool pulled over our eyes by this silver-tongued devil. Too long has his sub-standard pork filled our bellies unbeknownst to us.

No longer I say.


R.I.P Derek Peeves






Oh and also, before I forget, the winners of the raffle from last weeks fair can collect their prizes between the hours of 3pm and 5pm from the parochial house.

Fr. Jack Stapleton.

Hyman Roth

Sweet lord...murder in Nappy Cove.

I want to be the first to offer my sympathies to the late Mr. Peeves, tragic to be cut down in the prime of life. Stupid thugs. People behaving like that with guns.

I know there has been some aggravation over recent accusations but I want to make it clear I bore him no ill will. Furthermore I hope Officer Neutongaye will uncover the truth of this..terrible tragedy.

Dear god.. Someone put a bullet through his eye.. No one knows who gave the order. When I heard it, I wasn't angry; I knew Peeves, I knew he was head-strong, talking loud, saying stupid things. So when he turned up dead, I let it go. And I said to myself, this is the business we've chosen; I didn't ask who gave the order, because it had nothing to do with business.

Although I do not share his politics I must echo the sentiments of Mr. Dignam, its hard to know this town anymore. Maybe I'm too old now, but I have always had the dream of living my twilight years as an old Jew in Israel, right on the coast of the Mediterranean.

But I don't think my wife would go with me, she wont do anything with me anymore, she refused to even bear my child after her miscarriage. I don't know where it has all gone wrong.

Look at me I'm rambling. Good night to you all.

Hyman Roth

http://www.youtube.com/v/Tk6DPq2_c2M

Johnny "Blind Man" Biaggio

Good evening, my name is Johnny Biaggio, but you may call me "Blind Man". I have come to Nappy Cove on a short business trip, so this will be the first of (hopefully) not too many blogs. I like to do business, quietly, and leave. The world is an unusual place, and I believe that you must fulfill your responsibilities, no matter where they lead you, while making sure that you leave when your task is done. Now, I have always been taught that it is a sin of pride to go on about yourself in front of others, however I feel that it is only polite to tell you about myself. I am a molasses man. I don't want to say where I am from, because, frankly, it is irrelevant. I am in Nappy Cove investigating a very important prospect. That particular assignment I have set myself is important to me, so I am afraid I am once again going to, how do you say, play things close to my chest. Now, if it is hard to describe to you what I do, but it is nearly impossible for me to explain to you who I am... you see...... I have a competition in me. I want no one else to succeed. I hate most people. There are times when I look at people and I see nothing worth liking. I want to earn enough money that I can get away from everyone. I see the worst in people, you see? I don't need to look past seeing them to get all I need. I've built my hatreds up over the years, little by little.... now, I can't keep doing this on my own with these... people. And over the last few days I have become more alone than ever.

I am sorry, I have said too much.


B.M.

Alan Dignam

Hello readers,

I feel I speak for the whole town when I express our shock and horror at what has been emerging over the last few weeks. Bad pork? Murders? This is not the Nappy Cove I know.. when did it all change?
My god, murderers walking amongst us, has it come to this? Nappy Cove is not a big town, I know we lose sight of that from time to time but really it is not, we know all people living here, we even get to know the guests when they come to stay. And we have resorted to killing each other, over pork?
Mr. Peeves did not have any family that I am aware of though he spoke sometimes about a brother who had served in El Salvador. Derek Peeves was a hero, and spent his life saving us from the dangers we never knew, from the shattering milk bottle debacle of '91 right up to this the pork scandal.
We have to ask ourselves how we treat those that look after us, do we treat them with respect and honour? Do we take a pride in ourselves enough to repel this gangsterism? Because let me say that if the answers to this are no then we are all of us fit to be bound and killed.
And maybe that's the way it goes. Just look at NappyNews.. People don't want a hero, they want to eat cheeseburgers, play the lotto and watch television.

But enough of that for now, we should remain respectful to the memory of our fallen friend and hope to wipe clean the great cleft of shame in this here Nappy.

Friends and neighbours we will weather this storm, there is a third way. We need strong leadership and unwavering support from you. And when these things begin to come to pass, then look up, and lift up your heads, for your redemption draws near.

Alan Dignam

Officer Partario Neutongaye

There have been no entries on this blog for a while and with good reason, as the town officer I feel it is my duty to speak first.
Most of you will by now know that the town reporter Derek Peeves was murdered at his home several days ago. I personally made the grisly discovery as we had arranged that I check on him early each morning in light of the threats received.

There are rumours circulating that Mr. Peeves was strung up like a hog on his own kitchen table, hand and legs tied, with a juicy red apple in his mouth. I have decided not to comment on these rumours as it may provoke unsubstantiated action by the public against the purveyors of pork in this town.
But I will say this, what happened in there wasn't pretty, there was clearly a struggle, Derek was beaten, raped, and then strung up like a fucking hog.

Investigations are ongoing but I would appeal for anybody that saw something strange on Begonia Row over the night of Thursday the 27Th to please come forward. It is likely that the attacker was a large man, and may have been wielding a corrugated iron bin lid.
My wife Olivia (also a police officer for those unfamiliar with our town) will be tidying the station all day and will be available to take calls.

We ask for calm and help during these dark and shocking times.
Partario

Hyman Roth

Whats going on here?

I see there has been some accusations here, some insinuations that I may be involved in this d-grade pork fiasco. Let me tell you I have been running pork in these parts for 30 years, and my uncle before me, I was the only show in town. And now a new breed of pushers comes onto the scene offering discount pork with slick back hair and you all look at me??? I didnt think I'd live to see the day the town I built up would turn on me.
Let me tell you a story I havent told anyone in a long time.
There was this kid I grew up with; he was younger than me. Sorta looked up to me, you know. We did our first work together, worked our way out of the street. Things were good, we made the most of it. During Prohibition, we ran molasses into Canada... made a fortune. As much as anyone, I loved him and trusted him. Later on he had an idea to build a city out of a swamp stop-over for Sturgeon fishermen on the Welsh Coast. That kid's name was Jasper Khrones, and the town he invented was Nappy Cove. This was a great man, a man of vision and guts. And there isn't even a plaque, or a signpost or a statue of him in this town.
Jasper died before his time, and in these dark days I get to thinking and I realise he was lucky, he didnt live to his legacy wither.

Good pork is the most important thing. More than success, more than money, more than power.

Officer Partario Neutongaye

Hello hello hello,

Im the town bobby, Partario. I had hoped to make an entry on this blog in a personal capacity but first of all it is duty that compells me. As we all saw a few days ago the local reporter Mr. Peeves made some accusations about the town meat standards on this blog. As the investigation is on-going I will not comment about our leads but it is no secret that we have two perveyors of pork goods in the town with stiff competition, I just want to make it clear that no stone is going unturned in these frightening allegations.
I am appealing for vigilance from our residents as Mr. Peeves has recieved some strong threats against his health as a result of his findings and I ask you watch out for suspicious activity.
Being a policeman aint all glamourous like the movies make out you know, no yachts, just stakeouts and takin down the bad guys with true grit. But it gets in your blood..sure youre up to your neck in human scum 15 hours a day, but you know youre out there making a difference..

Stay safe nappy cove,
Officer Partario.

Ps - If anyone knows whos commited any crimes in the region please contact me on 908-471-1157Q, or on skype; username: serpico-neutongaye

Professor Brane

Greetings,
do excuse my late coming to this wonderful blog, for i have been glued to my laboratory bench- INVENTING !
and i have succeeded !! HORRAY !! i have invented the worlds first battery powered umbrella light ! for those dark, dreary, wet days when one delves into ones purse to find ones keys but cant see on accounts of the dark, may you now avail of the UMBRELLA LIGHT !
voted 2009's number 1 invention, Nappy Coves Inventors Club !
hope to see you all at the next town BBQ!
Live long and prosper,
Prof Brane !

Nelly the dog

woof woof,
i went to the hair dressers today and you'll never guess what Malissa Queerhawk and Jasmin Goodtime were chatting about, well you'll never guess so i'll tell you. Jacinta Saint Queef had an abortion like two days ago !! ........ I KNOW !!!!!!!! the father was Terry Burn the butcher, he gave her more than she expected in her sunday joint, that's for sure.
By all accounts she was eleven weeks gone and she pissed out a little sea horse ..... OMG .... OMFG like !!!!
and Terry Burn said he cant have children and she's a tramp and her mother reared a whore and stuff ....... but she says he's a prick and had a small willy.
FYI Terry, Jacinta just has a bucket fanny, i'm sure you're just fine !!

I was bursting for a number twoseys after all my pampering so i trotted across the road to the grass to lay a steamer, when all i say was Jasmin Goodtime vomiting up her lunch ! The bulimic tramp !

also; NOTICE; Pups free to good home; 3male 2 female. MUST GO SOON or else will be drowned by my owner Bill

Hello again. I felt that with some of the more recent posts harbouring a certain sinister under-tone, that now would be a good time for me to point out that I'm always around if anyone requires the services of a double-eared friend to confide in. Naturally all matters which I am privy to shall be kept completely confidential (otherwise the Bishop will have my tabernacle!) So please,if anybody has anything they need to get off their chest then come to see me. No matter how big or small the problem and regardless of the danger and/or legality!

J.C in, Fr. F.S out.

Eileen Chang

I've chosen a very bad time to make my first entry on this blog. I'm positively fuming! That Miriam Squits and her agenda!! Honestly, petunias for the scool jamboree, when the majority of the committee wanted violets!! I'm not normally one to pass judgement, but I don't know how poor Bill puts up with her? He's such a lovely man, very kind and gentle and so in touch with his feelings. And the things she expects from him!! Why, just the other night he was telling me how she made him rotate all the cups in their house by 33 degrees. Madness!! It's a wonder he's stayed with her this long. I mean, it's not like he hasn't had any other offers. But he's told me already that he won't leave her for fear of what she'll do. It's a shame. *sigh*

But then I don't blame him really. I think everyone in the Cove is afraid of Miriam. She does have the most frightful temper. I dont think I'll ever forget what happened to poor old Amanda Payne when she disagreed with Miriam. 7 weeks in the hospital if I recall correctly? And she left the Cove as soon as she was discharged. Frightful stuff...
But sometimes you just have to follow your heart regardless of the risks, you know?

But enough of my silly ramblings, let me tell you a little about myself. I'm Eileen Chang. 'Ms' Eileen Chang. My husband passed away over ten years ago, and since then I've been so lonely. I haven't given up on love though, and I'm currently seeing someone. I think this could be it. He's so in touch with his feelings and so kind and gentle. My daughter tells me I'm crazy. (I think she's already been on this, but using her nickname? Plex or something silly...?) But I just tell her that love is crazy.

Love is crazy...

Ashi Khan

Hallo,
My name is Ashi Khan. I am sorry that I have not introduced myself sooner but I have been busy at the Nappy Cove Mega Church. My wife Gangi is right, blogs are just like the word of the almighty and I have decided to take part.
I moved here from Multan in the 1980's to give my Gangi and my child Chutney a safe place to live, away from oppressive peoples in my native country. Since here I have been able to spread the word of the lord and run a semi successful pork butching emporium. Before you ask I am not a Muslim and I do not beat my wife or blow up towers, I am Christian and proud of it.

My wife say to me this morning, "Ashi you need to stand up for yourself in this life and the next" So Mr. Hyman Roth sir, your business ethics are unacceptable.

That is all.



P.s. Praise the pork that my family eats tonight lord.

Derek Peeves

Hey guys, I gotta get this message off real fast; I think I'm onto something big here.

I couldn't mention this before because of a confidentiality clause, but I think I may be in serious danger, so to hell with it.
For the past few weeks I've been investigating a loose end that just won't unravel. It seems that somebody has been importing D-Grade pork into Nappy Cove. When I started this investigation, I was hoping for a cheesy exposé on how unhealthy pork is, but now it's bigger.... now I think that I've gotten the attention of the wrong people.... D-Grade pork? If I'm right, and I'm sure that I am, then there hasn't been such a hazardous material in Nappy Cove since the tainted coconut crop of '72. Someone has been making big money by selling what is known on the street as "Death-cap" pork, originally intended for incineration, to our schools, our hospitals, our new-age Jews. I've decided to take a stand, no matter what the price.


I followed a hunch last thursday night, and arrived at the Nappy Pier around midnight. There I found a high power R.I.B. with a couple of 200cc engines. It stank of pork. Bad pork. There was fat everywhere, and some unused pork too - evidently some of the pork was so foul that even these bastards couldn't find a use for it, so they left it behind, possibly in an attempt to destroy Nappy Cove's marine ecosystem. After I was finished vomiting, a cold realization came over me; that smell.....that horrible burnt-pork smell....the cook had already been made, and the pork was now ready to be sold. I collected some samples, took some photos and got out of there. Time is running out.


I was at the edge of the pier when I heard a noise; they hadn't all left yet. I'm no hero guys, I'm a reporter, so I hid. Whoever it was, they must have been locals, because they recognized my car, and I could hear their voices in the mist: "This is Peeves' car.... sticking his Jew nose where it doesn't belong!! "He" will have to hear about this". Needless to say, I'm not Jewish - in fact, it was my love of good pork that brought me to the pier that night. I could tell by the inflection in his voice that the "He" the man was referring to wasn't me, but rather his boss. I knew then that I have a chance to do something big here... not emmy big or golden globe big.....I' talking what Sheen does to Brando in Apocalypse Now big. I'm bringing this fucker down.


I think now that I've got all the data that I need - DNA testing was positive on a hair on a piece of pork fat. I couldn't believe it myself, but it's starting to make sense at last. Who else has the means, the will, the finance, and the contacts to pull off such a pork crime? I'm taking the evidence I have , and I'm going to the police.

Wish me luck,

D.



P.S. I posted a picture of some of what I found on this site. It's not pretty. I couldn't bring myself to show you the worst photos, as children may be on this site.

Al Gullet

Hey,

Im Al Gullet, you'll have to excushe my brother hes a real pinhead he dont introduce me or nothin.
Who are these punk kids shittin on the town website? Id like to take my belt to somea these punks.
Anyway I dont got much to say but just that I seen Derek Peeves the town snoop actin real aggsy yknow, rushin around an' he looked real aggsy. I bet hes found out that Mr. Squits is a real hot tomali if ya know what I mean!

Anyway I gotta go me and Ashi are renting kayaks.

Gruminieri
-Al

Sean Murphy

ZOMG Sorry about him guys, Ive been chasing that little fl@mer from an arkenoid forum for days lolfg!

Stay strong, for Vakti

Xtreme Ssj
LEVEL: 20
HP: 5000/11500
WEAPON: AT Field
MODE: V.A.T.S.
AP: 120/200

Felix Turnstile

Eh Hey guys, just dropping by to say....
ROFL!

This blog is such a dusche! Nappy Cove?! Move to America like everyone else you lamers!

PWNED!

Felixxx out

Francetti Stucco

Heeey,

I'm Francetti Stucco, I just seen this story on the internet and I says HEEEY I wanna piecea this. I live in Nappy Cove with my friend, actually its my brotha.
I came to Nappy Cove 13 years ago when I mixed up a prize I won and my brotha moved here too when I told him about it. He works in the Delhi Deli now with Ashi Khan, and boy do they make a great pimento.
I dont do no job but sometimes I fix up old cars and help out some.

Ahh Jeez I gotta go, Robocop is on Eurosport in a minute.

Staggiglierri

~Franci

George Wellington

Hi, I'm George. I'm the town pilot. I live in the eastern part of the town, close to the Dignam's place. I'm only recently back from a flight to London, so I'm quite jet-lagged. It's a tough life as a flight instructor, especially in such a thriving town as Nappy Cove!!!

As for personal news, i've recently lost my dear kitten, miffles, to a bad bout of gangrene. The poor thing stood on a rusty lobster cage that one of those westie yobs leave lying around. I feel so lonely without her. At least the skies will never leave me.

I think i'll go down the pub. I'll leave you with some footage of my last flight over the cove.

Goodbye and tirrah.

Alan Dignam

Good-day to you again,

I see this weblog has seen a wide take up, I imagine therefore that my fellow residents feel that it is a fruitful pursuit. I will keep my personal feelings out of it but I might just say that this diary entry style of recording has lead to some rather candid and heated writing by some, and I hope we do not put in jeopardy our decorum, it seems to me that one can maintain an interesting and healthy series of entries without becoming base in tone, or inflamatory.
But thats not the purpose of this entry, I have been thinking to myself since my last post and reading the thoughts of others that I might share some of the insights I have gained throughout my life, and the experiences that have formed me, and who knows it may be a good example to some of our younger 'interneters'.
When I look at the state of our Nation and the wider world today it seems to me that very quickly people have lost their sense of respect. And respect believe you me is a very important thing, perhaps the most important of things. I dont know what caused it, although the cavalier rebelliousness of 70s New York movies was my first encounter with it, idolising the rebel, the 'loose cannon' as someone to be noticed and regarded. If Im right in this it fed into an anarchic hunger in the youth for notoriety amongst ones peers, no bad thing in a young lad in small doses, but soon the excesses of pop stars and thugs flooded into our homes from the 'tube. Overnight it seems a whole generation changed, young men and women that should have an appetitte for disipline and good taste now taking pleasure in their personal disregard, embracing apathy.
I dont understand how one could find their purpose in a world like that, if apathy is embraced as something to be aspired to then how does one succeed? What is at the end of that road?
The whole mindset is frightening to me, and Im afraid to say I feel like my generation are the last with a real sense of value. Who knows where this daft world is heading when we hand over the reigns eventually..and we will have to.

Never mind the bollocks??
Actually, I think I will young man.

Good night and good luck residents,
Alan Dignam.

Nigella Roth

Whats this? Oh I see.
Evening there, Im Nigella Roth, legatee of the Crowne family, you may have heard about our reputed stallion collection in Westchester. Of course that doesnt much factor for me anymore, not since I was a young foolish girl that went against daddy's wishes and ran off with a young Jewish pork butcher. I threw my chance at a happy and glamourous life out the window that night. God if I could turn back the clock..
I see my 'husband' has already left a message here, and I figured he spent his time on this damn contraption oogling the girls from the cabaret.
So what am I doing here, what do I get out of this? Oh I dont know, the chance to air my views and wishes, leave some sort of a mark. The more I think about it the more I realise its been too many dark years since I last did that.
We never had a son, Hyman and I, and sometimes I regret that. This house is a big empty place for two old croaks like us. But I wouldnt want to bring a child into a loveless home. Thats right loveless, are you reading this YOU SON OF A BITCH?? You cant silence me here, now everyone can know what its like.
My husband only cares about the pork trade these days, he stays up nights cursing the bastards at the Delhi Deli. Youre a gaddamn jew Hyman, you dont even know what pork fucking tastes like.. Good on 'em I say, drive my husband outta town and do us all a favour.
All I've got is my study, my little corner in the world where I can look at the walls and walls of books and feel the warmth of a fire and imagine that for a few short moments that things might have been different. And let me tell you when I open my eyes and see the withered woman in the mirror I almost wish I was dead. 'Never mind dear, have another long island', I hear myself say.

Botox again tomorrow, as usual. Sad but true.

Seventh Post- Plex Rominus

I'm Plex. Like, obviously that's not what my stoopid parents called me, cuz they're not like, creative or deep or into expressing the emotions or anything like that. I found the name in a book on wicca that my level 8 Warlock BFF lended me for the week. He's like, totally emo like me. But lately he's been looking at that skanky dry-bag Stacy Dignam (And yes, OFC I know she's gonna see this. I already read her dumb little entry on this so called 'Social Experiment'. Guh! The only true method of experimentation involves divining the future from crystals and looking at the moon progression. What an R-tard!)
Anyway, forget her, cuz my other BFF Joney's gonna help me put a hex on her that's gonna make her alone and unhappy for all eternity. What a wench!

I gotta go dye my hair pink for the seance.

Sixth Post - Derek Peeves

Hello All! My name is Derek Peeves. I am a resident of good old Nappy Cove, and I gotta tell ya, I'm super interested in the social experiment that is the Nappy Cove Blog. You see, I run a small but profitable local newspaper, "The Nappy Inquirer", a "NAPPY COVE JOURNALIST AWARD WINNNING PAPER". I see this blog as a chance to flex my mighty writing muscles (and who knows, maybe increase my circulation in the process).

I suppose I'd better tell you about myself; I'm 28 years old, I love to read, to write, the usual. I moved to Nappy Cove five years ago, started distributing helpful information to tourists on A4 sheets (where to get the best pork, for example), and then BANG, I'm the owner and operator of Nappy Cove's biggest local newspaper, employing anywhere up to three separate people (myself included). 

The Nappy Inquirer is famous for its daring exposé's (usually hot-gossip style info that leaves the local housewives panting for more). However, I've been investigating something over the past few months that will...... well, lets just say that its a story with potential. If possible, I'll let y'all know how its coming along.

That's it for now folks! Enjoy this wondrous Blog!

Fifth Post- Fr. Jack Stapleton

Hello there, my fellow seekers of the Light! My name is Father Stapleton and I'm the local Minister in these parts. I was down at Mr. Roth's today, trying to convince the Lowensteins to have a nibble of my pork n' taters, when I heard him talking about this new social experiment. My curiosity tweaked, I ran back to the parochial house to investigate. Now I know what you're all thinking! You're thinking, 'He's a priest, he doesn't have a computer.' But it just so happens that the Bishop has gifted me with a brand new laptop and a 3MB broadband connection. Also, before joining the priesthood, I was a free-lance photographer roaming around South-East Asia, so I'm quite well up on all this modern lark.
I must say, I'm rather impressed that so many of our locals have added to this blog already. Although I can't understand why the Department of Technology and Empowerment decided to conduct their experiment on our rustic little settlement? It should be quite interesting to hear what our inhabitant have to say though.

Anyway, that's all from me for now.
Peace out, Jesus In.

Fr. J.S

Fourth Post- Mrs. Squits

Greetings! Allow me to introduce myself: My name is Miriam Squits (née Rotunde), the local horticulturalist and Chairperson of the Tidy Towns Commintee. I've lived here in Nappy Cove my entire life. I inherited my mothers small cottage on the outskirts of the Glendywell Hills and I live there now with my husband Bill. Some of those big-city folk can't see the appeal of our sleepy Welsh town. I don't know though? As Steve Martin once said, 'Some of these sleepy towns can really pay off...'
Anyway that's just a quick introduction to me. I've got to go now. We're having a Committee meeting to decide on whether we want petunias or violets for the foyer of the school jamboree.

Toodles!!

Third Post - Mr. Roth

Hi there,

Im Hyman Roth, town pork butcher. My family have run the pork circuit in Nappy Cove and nearby Ganleydale for over 60 yeers, but lets just say some unsavourables (foreign) are trying to undercut me with cheap convienience food, and thats my problem thats my gripe.

Im a ham man, and a jew, and some people say that dont go but whatta they know, I got a slice of every porkbelly comin in and outta the Southwest.

I live here with my wife Nigella, if you could even say she still lives here. I tell her and tell her all day, 'Will ya put down that long island and come out from that study? What are you a nightbat?!' But she never does.

I will finish my post now.

Second Post - Stacey Dignam

Hey,

Oh my god I cant believe my dad posted before me!! Mortified! So Im just back from the town meeting where we all decided to do this blog, that guy from the Mainland was pretty weird! I dunno seems kinda lame, like twitter for people with no lives! lol! Nappy Cove is soo lame, people think its an island but its just peninsula that floods! Its so weird to see dad hunched over the new computer, it takes him so long to figure things out! This'll never work! LOL!

Soo about me, Im 17, LOVE dancing, I dance with the school dance team, everyone says Im abit mad, just ask my friends, love you guys! Rofl! And maybe I like a few guys..but NO WAY am I gonna who here!

Amm...Yup thats pretty much me!

Talk soon guys! Lol!

Stace xx

First entry - Alan Dignam

Good afternoon reader,

My name is Alan Dignam and I am a resident of Nappy Cove, I have recently been connected to the internet by the Welsh Department of Technology and Empowerment and have agreed to participate in this social experiment. I am informed that a blog is a series of entries in digital form intended for the public display, a sort of open diary. As such I will, as regularly as is expected, endeavor to maintain a healthy and respectable record on this our town blog. A Blog, I am informed is the abbreviation of Web-log for an increasingly instant and self indulgent youth.

Some background on myself. I went to school in Bishop Auckland, County Durham, before winning a scholarship to Durham University. I have two children, Stacey and Neville (a taxi driver), by my wife, Palmsom. I was involved with the Welsh-Spanish war in the early 1970s, whicvh had a formative impact on me. Eventually, I abandoned pacifism and enlisted in the British, and later German Army to achieve miliary notoriety, serving in C Company of the 8th Battalion of the Royal Fusiliers (City of London Regiment), in which I held the rank of Second Lieutenant and Special Operations Division (Regensburg).

In my recent years I have been a strong supporter of the British National Party and am considering running in local elections.

This is all I will post for the moment, but I will leave you with words that have sustained me through many cold years in a prision run by Franko's son and heir, Inquisator Feliz.
Schützen, helfen, vermitteln, kämpfen

Good evening.

Second Lieutenant Alan Dignam,
Purple Cross; Honourable Discharge.

Welcome to Nappy Cove

Hi there Readers, Welcome to the Nappy Cove town blog. The blog entries here are the entries of towns people in a world first town blog experiment. It is being conducted by the inhabitants of Nappy Cove and was a joint venture between the NappyCove Youth Council and the Welsh Department of Technology and Empowerment.

The stories are real, the drama is epic, welcome to Reality Blogging!






NOTICE: The Department of Technology and Empowerment accepts no liability for the views expressed in this blog, they are the respective thoughts and opinions of the people presenting them.