Hyman Roth

Whats going on here?

I see there has been some accusations here, some insinuations that I may be involved in this d-grade pork fiasco. Let me tell you I have been running pork in these parts for 30 years, and my uncle before me, I was the only show in town. And now a new breed of pushers comes onto the scene offering discount pork with slick back hair and you all look at me??? I didnt think I'd live to see the day the town I built up would turn on me.
Let me tell you a story I havent told anyone in a long time.
There was this kid I grew up with; he was younger than me. Sorta looked up to me, you know. We did our first work together, worked our way out of the street. Things were good, we made the most of it. During Prohibition, we ran molasses into Canada... made a fortune. As much as anyone, I loved him and trusted him. Later on he had an idea to build a city out of a swamp stop-over for Sturgeon fishermen on the Welsh Coast. That kid's name was Jasper Khrones, and the town he invented was Nappy Cove. This was a great man, a man of vision and guts. And there isn't even a plaque, or a signpost or a statue of him in this town.
Jasper died before his time, and in these dark days I get to thinking and I realise he was lucky, he didnt live to his legacy wither.

Good pork is the most important thing. More than success, more than money, more than power.

Officer Partario Neutongaye

Hello hello hello,

Im the town bobby, Partario. I had hoped to make an entry on this blog in a personal capacity but first of all it is duty that compells me. As we all saw a few days ago the local reporter Mr. Peeves made some accusations about the town meat standards on this blog. As the investigation is on-going I will not comment about our leads but it is no secret that we have two perveyors of pork goods in the town with stiff competition, I just want to make it clear that no stone is going unturned in these frightening allegations.
I am appealing for vigilance from our residents as Mr. Peeves has recieved some strong threats against his health as a result of his findings and I ask you watch out for suspicious activity.
Being a policeman aint all glamourous like the movies make out you know, no yachts, just stakeouts and takin down the bad guys with true grit. But it gets in your blood..sure youre up to your neck in human scum 15 hours a day, but you know youre out there making a difference..

Stay safe nappy cove,
Officer Partario.

Ps - If anyone knows whos commited any crimes in the region please contact me on 908-471-1157Q, or on skype; username: serpico-neutongaye

Professor Brane

Greetings,
do excuse my late coming to this wonderful blog, for i have been glued to my laboratory bench- INVENTING !
and i have succeeded !! HORRAY !! i have invented the worlds first battery powered umbrella light ! for those dark, dreary, wet days when one delves into ones purse to find ones keys but cant see on accounts of the dark, may you now avail of the UMBRELLA LIGHT !
voted 2009's number 1 invention, Nappy Coves Inventors Club !
hope to see you all at the next town BBQ!
Live long and prosper,
Prof Brane !

Nelly the dog

woof woof,
i went to the hair dressers today and you'll never guess what Malissa Queerhawk and Jasmin Goodtime were chatting about, well you'll never guess so i'll tell you. Jacinta Saint Queef had an abortion like two days ago !! ........ I KNOW !!!!!!!! the father was Terry Burn the butcher, he gave her more than she expected in her sunday joint, that's for sure.
By all accounts she was eleven weeks gone and she pissed out a little sea horse ..... OMG .... OMFG like !!!!
and Terry Burn said he cant have children and she's a tramp and her mother reared a whore and stuff ....... but she says he's a prick and had a small willy.
FYI Terry, Jacinta just has a bucket fanny, i'm sure you're just fine !!

I was bursting for a number twoseys after all my pampering so i trotted across the road to the grass to lay a steamer, when all i say was Jasmin Goodtime vomiting up her lunch ! The bulimic tramp !

also; NOTICE; Pups free to good home; 3male 2 female. MUST GO SOON or else will be drowned by my owner Bill

Hello again. I felt that with some of the more recent posts harbouring a certain sinister under-tone, that now would be a good time for me to point out that I'm always around if anyone requires the services of a double-eared friend to confide in. Naturally all matters which I am privy to shall be kept completely confidential (otherwise the Bishop will have my tabernacle!) So please,if anybody has anything they need to get off their chest then come to see me. No matter how big or small the problem and regardless of the danger and/or legality!

J.C in, Fr. F.S out.

Eileen Chang

I've chosen a very bad time to make my first entry on this blog. I'm positively fuming! That Miriam Squits and her agenda!! Honestly, petunias for the scool jamboree, when the majority of the committee wanted violets!! I'm not normally one to pass judgement, but I don't know how poor Bill puts up with her? He's such a lovely man, very kind and gentle and so in touch with his feelings. And the things she expects from him!! Why, just the other night he was telling me how she made him rotate all the cups in their house by 33 degrees. Madness!! It's a wonder he's stayed with her this long. I mean, it's not like he hasn't had any other offers. But he's told me already that he won't leave her for fear of what she'll do. It's a shame. *sigh*

But then I don't blame him really. I think everyone in the Cove is afraid of Miriam. She does have the most frightful temper. I dont think I'll ever forget what happened to poor old Amanda Payne when she disagreed with Miriam. 7 weeks in the hospital if I recall correctly? And she left the Cove as soon as she was discharged. Frightful stuff...
But sometimes you just have to follow your heart regardless of the risks, you know?

But enough of my silly ramblings, let me tell you a little about myself. I'm Eileen Chang. 'Ms' Eileen Chang. My husband passed away over ten years ago, and since then I've been so lonely. I haven't given up on love though, and I'm currently seeing someone. I think this could be it. He's so in touch with his feelings and so kind and gentle. My daughter tells me I'm crazy. (I think she's already been on this, but using her nickname? Plex or something silly...?) But I just tell her that love is crazy.

Love is crazy...

Ashi Khan

Hallo,
My name is Ashi Khan. I am sorry that I have not introduced myself sooner but I have been busy at the Nappy Cove Mega Church. My wife Gangi is right, blogs are just like the word of the almighty and I have decided to take part.
I moved here from Multan in the 1980's to give my Gangi and my child Chutney a safe place to live, away from oppressive peoples in my native country. Since here I have been able to spread the word of the lord and run a semi successful pork butching emporium. Before you ask I am not a Muslim and I do not beat my wife or blow up towers, I am Christian and proud of it.

My wife say to me this morning, "Ashi you need to stand up for yourself in this life and the next" So Mr. Hyman Roth sir, your business ethics are unacceptable.

That is all.



P.s. Praise the pork that my family eats tonight lord.

Derek Peeves

Hey guys, I gotta get this message off real fast; I think I'm onto something big here.

I couldn't mention this before because of a confidentiality clause, but I think I may be in serious danger, so to hell with it.
For the past few weeks I've been investigating a loose end that just won't unravel. It seems that somebody has been importing D-Grade pork into Nappy Cove. When I started this investigation, I was hoping for a cheesy exposé on how unhealthy pork is, but now it's bigger.... now I think that I've gotten the attention of the wrong people.... D-Grade pork? If I'm right, and I'm sure that I am, then there hasn't been such a hazardous material in Nappy Cove since the tainted coconut crop of '72. Someone has been making big money by selling what is known on the street as "Death-cap" pork, originally intended for incineration, to our schools, our hospitals, our new-age Jews. I've decided to take a stand, no matter what the price.


I followed a hunch last thursday night, and arrived at the Nappy Pier around midnight. There I found a high power R.I.B. with a couple of 200cc engines. It stank of pork. Bad pork. There was fat everywhere, and some unused pork too - evidently some of the pork was so foul that even these bastards couldn't find a use for it, so they left it behind, possibly in an attempt to destroy Nappy Cove's marine ecosystem. After I was finished vomiting, a cold realization came over me; that smell.....that horrible burnt-pork smell....the cook had already been made, and the pork was now ready to be sold. I collected some samples, took some photos and got out of there. Time is running out.


I was at the edge of the pier when I heard a noise; they hadn't all left yet. I'm no hero guys, I'm a reporter, so I hid. Whoever it was, they must have been locals, because they recognized my car, and I could hear their voices in the mist: "This is Peeves' car.... sticking his Jew nose where it doesn't belong!! "He" will have to hear about this". Needless to say, I'm not Jewish - in fact, it was my love of good pork that brought me to the pier that night. I could tell by the inflection in his voice that the "He" the man was referring to wasn't me, but rather his boss. I knew then that I have a chance to do something big here... not emmy big or golden globe big.....I' talking what Sheen does to Brando in Apocalypse Now big. I'm bringing this fucker down.


I think now that I've got all the data that I need - DNA testing was positive on a hair on a piece of pork fat. I couldn't believe it myself, but it's starting to make sense at last. Who else has the means, the will, the finance, and the contacts to pull off such a pork crime? I'm taking the evidence I have , and I'm going to the police.

Wish me luck,

D.



P.S. I posted a picture of some of what I found on this site. It's not pretty. I couldn't bring myself to show you the worst photos, as children may be on this site.

Al Gullet

Hey,

Im Al Gullet, you'll have to excushe my brother hes a real pinhead he dont introduce me or nothin.
Who are these punk kids shittin on the town website? Id like to take my belt to somea these punks.
Anyway I dont got much to say but just that I seen Derek Peeves the town snoop actin real aggsy yknow, rushin around an' he looked real aggsy. I bet hes found out that Mr. Squits is a real hot tomali if ya know what I mean!

Anyway I gotta go me and Ashi are renting kayaks.

Gruminieri
-Al

Sean Murphy

ZOMG Sorry about him guys, Ive been chasing that little fl@mer from an arkenoid forum for days lolfg!

Stay strong, for Vakti

Xtreme Ssj
LEVEL: 20
HP: 5000/11500
WEAPON: AT Field
MODE: V.A.T.S.
AP: 120/200

Felix Turnstile

Eh Hey guys, just dropping by to say....
ROFL!

This blog is such a dusche! Nappy Cove?! Move to America like everyone else you lamers!

PWNED!

Felixxx out

Francetti Stucco

Heeey,

I'm Francetti Stucco, I just seen this story on the internet and I says HEEEY I wanna piecea this. I live in Nappy Cove with my friend, actually its my brotha.
I came to Nappy Cove 13 years ago when I mixed up a prize I won and my brotha moved here too when I told him about it. He works in the Delhi Deli now with Ashi Khan, and boy do they make a great pimento.
I dont do no job but sometimes I fix up old cars and help out some.

Ahh Jeez I gotta go, Robocop is on Eurosport in a minute.

Staggiglierri

~Franci

George Wellington

Hi, I'm George. I'm the town pilot. I live in the eastern part of the town, close to the Dignam's place. I'm only recently back from a flight to London, so I'm quite jet-lagged. It's a tough life as a flight instructor, especially in such a thriving town as Nappy Cove!!!

As for personal news, i've recently lost my dear kitten, miffles, to a bad bout of gangrene. The poor thing stood on a rusty lobster cage that one of those westie yobs leave lying around. I feel so lonely without her. At least the skies will never leave me.

I think i'll go down the pub. I'll leave you with some footage of my last flight over the cove.

Goodbye and tirrah.