Dr. Orange Squamish

Hello all,


I feel that, considering what has been happening in Nappy Cove, that there is an open secret that we have all been keeping that can go on no longer. Please understand that the lie that we live everyday serves only to keep a troubled man happy. I have been following this blog with interest, and since no-one else has said anything, I think it is up to me.

I would not be taking this action were it not for the recent post of "Father" Jack Stapleton, but considering the lucid and shocking nature of the post, the time has come to clarify something serious. You see, Jack Stapleton not a "Father" at all.



"Simple Jack" as he was once lovingly called, is a man with the intelligence of an intel pentium II processor. His childish smile and unusual love of baking trays encouraged the entire town to keep Simple Jack close to our hearts. In his early thirtys, however, Simple Jack turned a violent man. Rambling that he name was Paul, asking everyone he knew about the sun and the rain, as well as displaying a competent knowledge of the German banking system. Then there was what we call in the business "the quickening". He used to punch any child he saw. ANY child; tv, photographs, real children. Most disturbingly, when he thought of a child he would punch his own head in a vicious blood frenzy. Then one day, he appeared wearing a vicar's collar, and claimed to be "Father" Jack Stapleton. He was calm, friendly, helpful, even more aware of his surroundings than usual. So, we.... we pretended. It hurt no-one to do so, and it made Simple Jack so happy to go around "priesting", as he used to call it..


I needed to tell you this because of Jack's recent blog entry. He did not know the late Mr. Peeves. This post shows a return to the delusions that haunted Jack for so much of his life. The complex story of tapes and secret meetings is pure fantasy-the police chief spoke to me about this, and he knows nothing about any tape. I am afraid the story of the deathly pork will have to wait a little longer to be told.....although I must say, the nature of Jack's blog is unlike any of his other ramblings; it is too clear and plausible.... maybe there is no tape, maybe there is; could it be that Derek Peeves trusted the one man that no-one would ever think of questioning?

Yours,

Dr. Squamish



P.S. Jack, if you are reading this, I'm sorry. Although you will never understand, I had to do what I did today. Please forgive me.